for Crossing the Difference Divide
When People Like Each Other the Rules Change
The Three Practices
I’ll be unusually interested in others
I’ll stay in the room with difference
I’ll stop comparing my best with your worst
Featured Videos
People of color — how far can you trust a white ally … and how do you know?
5-Star Reviews
***** Great little book. Easy read. But has a depth of insight and practical application
I like the way the book is broken down into easy to digest parts that you can put into practice in your day-to-day interactions with others - especially with people who may vehemently disagree with you more
***** The Message and Tools We Need
Henderson and Hancock have delivered the tools we all need. Whatever side of whatever divide you find yourself (and you will find yourself placed on a side), you’ll want to know the 3 Practices more
***** 5.0 out of 5 stars A life ring in troubled waters
I loved this easy read on how to stay in the room with difference. "I'd be curious to know... " is a wonderful bridge for a mindful conversation. more
3Practice Circle Leader Training
Mostly, we train 3Practice Circle Referees in real-time, Open + Private Zoom Cohorts.
Occasionally, we train Refs in nine-hour, in-person intensives.
In special instances, we train individuals, one-to-one.
We prefer real-time training because, as in 3Practice Circles, we relish learning as team sport. In fact, we encourage Refs to work together in pairs — a Head Ref and a Co-Ref — whenever possible in the real world.
3Practice Circles are magical, but they're not magic … meaning, we know why they work. Our Referee training unpacks what makes Circles magical (in six sessions over three weeks in Zoom cohorts, or nine hours in —usually — two-day in-person intensives). Following the training, we coach participants through a two-Circle practicum — as Head Ref and Co-Ref — leading to certification as 3Practice Circle Refs.
3Practice Circles are magical, but they're not magic. In six real-time training sessions over three weeks, our Zoom-based cohorts explore the secrets that make Circles work. That’s followed by two coached practicum circles that get new Refs ready to convene and lead 3Practice Circles — in-person and online — for the communities, organizations, and institutions they serve.
Here’s the Zoom Training Overview:
Six Live Training Sessions
Sessions meet on Zoom — about two hours per class
Office hours each Friday 12p Central (or by appointment)
Session 01 - 3Practice Circle Leadership Rundown
Session 02 - 3Practice Circle Roll Up
Session 03 - 3Practice Circle Roles
Session 04 - 3Practice Circle Rules
Session 05 - 3Practice Circle Rollout
Session 06 - 3Practice Circle Resonance
We record each Training Session. If you miss one, you can watch the recording and discuss it with the Instructors during office hours.
Open and Private 3Practice Circle Leader Training Cohorts
Open Cohorts mix individuals and small teams — which sometimes yields surprising outcomes as people working in different spaces learn with and from each other.
Private Cohorts are scheduled to fit the calendar and timetable of the organizations and institutions that book the training — which, in addition to the convenience of scheduling, yields a sharp focus on use cases.
If you want to talk about Circle Leader training, send us a note or email us: jimhenderson@3practices.com or jimhancock@3practices.com
A Couple of Frequently Asked Questions
FAQ: What is the Circle Leader Training Practicum?
Following the six-session live Zoom training series, practicum teams — usually two people — work together on a round of 3Practice Workout Circles and coaching — over about four weeks — during which each team member takes a turn as both Head Referee and Co-Referee.
3Practice Circle Instructors observe and coach the candidates throughout the practicum.
FAQ: Can I make money leading 3Practice Circles?
Sure. If you take money for leading 3Practice Circles, we have a simple licensing agreement worked out for doing that.
The license fee compensates us a bit for the ongoing development and support system we provide. And it helps us keep our training fees low on the front end, which is important to us.
If you want details, please contact us.
The Practices
Practice One
I’ll be unusually interested in others.
“Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity.”
— Simone Weil
person, but the habit he practices that I’m most interested in is his curiosity. On the radio, Ira comes across as a genuinely curious person. I wanted to know if that was how he was in real life, so I asked him.
“Ira laughed. ‘Of course I’m curious! I mean, how fake would it be for me to ask questions and not really mean them? Don’t you think people would pick up on that?’ Of course they would.”
Most of us learn to spot fake interest from a mile away. We learn to recognize sincerity, too. And we’re drawn to others who genuinely seeks to understand us. In the 3 Practices, we try to begin every questions with the words, “I’d be curious to know….”
Think about the times when you’ve been on the receiving end of positive, specific, welcome attention … the sort of attention that made you feel in that moment like the most important person in the room — because someone asked a question in a way that made you the only person who could answer it.
Most of us don’t have an overabundance of such memories to draw on, which is why the ones we have tend stay with us forever — a teacher who encouraged us, a friend’s parent who made us feel welcome, a college roommate who introduced us to her friends — all filed away in a mental folder titled “Impossible To Forget.”
Jim Henderson says, “Ira Glass is the creator and host of the wildly popular radio show and podcast This American Life. Ira is a fascinating
The first Practice is about genuine curiosity.
Practice Two
I’ll stay in the room with difference.
“When you discover I voted for the wrong person, does that mean we have to break up?”
But, inevitably, that safe feeling passes … replaced by suspicion, anxiety, fear, anger…. It doesn’t take much imagination to see that being divided isn’t safer at all.
As Kathryn Schultz puts it: “Imagination is that which enables us to . . . enjoy stories other than our own. …Empathy is that which enables us to take those stories seriously.” Imagining and practicing fresh ways of crossing the Difference Divide — and living to tell about it — is what the 3 Practices are all about.
If The 3 Practices had to be reduced to one idea it would be Staying in the room with difference.
Even a glance at the cultural landscape is likely to make people feel a little unsteady on that proposition. Staying in the room with difference is what folks are learning to avoid in the isolation of made-to-order social media echo chambers and narrowcast media. Somehow it just seems safer to seek the company of our own kind.
the second practice is getting in the room and do our best to stay in the room.
Practice Three
I’ll stop comparing my best with your worst.
“I don’t have the time to get to know every person I encounter in the course of my daily life. So thank goodness I have a handy little device at my disposal that helps me know how to deal with just about anyone I come across: stereotypes. Yes, stereotypes are a real time-saver!”
— The Onion
3Practice Circles close with an invitation to thank someone in the circle. People often express gratitude for the courteous, thought-provoking questions they were asked. And some go a step farther — like the man who ended his thank-yous by saying, “I realized during this group that I sometimes think things are facts that might not actually be facts at all. I need to think about that more.”
In effect, what that’s saying is, “Let me come stand where you’re standing, and see if I see the same thing. And then we’ll talk about it.”
Not seeing something that appears obvious to someone else is not, in and of itself, a moral failing.
While listening to another person describe what they see, it may dawn on us that, just as they’re not seeing what we see, we’re not seeing what they see.
Which is a useful reminder that what two individuals see depends in part on where they’re standing — and raises the possibilities that 1) neither may have a perfectly unobstructed view, and 2) one may have a clearer view or a better angle than the other.
